So, last time I talked about how, with the aid of my wonderful new Anti-Anxiety med, I've rediscovered my focus, drive, and ambition. Such a great thing, right? Yep, it was, but I quickly discovered that now I don't know what direction I'm going. Ain't that a kicker?
One thing about not having my direction in place has been that it's been way too easy for me to follow tangents. To jet off on a high speed chase after something that seemed like a good idea, whether it would benefit me in the long run or not. Focusing in on one little facet of the diamond that is me instead of stepping back and appreciating all the little things that combine to make me who I am.
It's kept me from really knowing who I am. For way too long now.
Even my time spent in meditation hasn't really shown me the big picture, the way it should have. Why, because even in the one place where it's supposed to be easiest to find yourself, I was still hiding. Hiding my self, not just from the world but, well, from myself. Too scared and too accommodating to really delve into my own desires for my future. Too empathetic to put myself first in my own life.
Now that I've got a clearer picture of where I'm at, it's time for me to really decide where I'm going. It's time for me to take a long hard look at my inner compass and trust that it won't get me lost.
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